Die Me A River

5:00 am

I drove early Wednesday morning to pick up a decedent close to where I grew up in a dinky privately-owned hospital.  I checked the ID tag on the hairy leg on the extra-large body.  The security and I waited a long time for the Lift Team but these guys just would not show, so we took care of it ourselves and placed the body on the gurney.  Then I drove back to the mortuary in horrendous traffic for over two hours.

As I got closer into town, my lack of sleep this week started to catch up with me.  It was hard to keep my focus and the traffic started to look like it's moving in slow motion.  When it became difficult to decide whether I should pass a car or not I decided I should pull off the road.

I parked at a rest area, stepped out to stretch my legs and recoup.  I still felt very tired so I decided the best thing to do was close my eyes and rest for a while.  I took a 20 minute nap, reassessed myself and decided I was fit to drive, so I made it back to the mortuary.

The body I brought back turned out to be a nun who died in the ER.  I assumed it was a man due to its size and hair but I was wrong.  When the embalmer removed the brown habit (I thought they were pants) to expose her breast I finally realized that this was indeed a woman.

After work I agreed to be first on-call with the new driver as second.  The new guy is a former EMT who can handle some gore so I wasn't worried.  I went home, sat down and immediately fell asleep until the phone rang a half hour later.

An old woman died in her house and the police had come by.  This should have raised a red flag in my mind but it didn't, so I called the young new guy and we met up to go on this call.

When we arrived there were a lot of family members in a small house.  After getting signatures I asked to see the body.  A young man led me to the kitchen, and what I saw jolted me awake:  The woman died sitting on her walker, and she was covered with a red blanket.  The smell was strong, and when I got closer I saw there was blood on the floor under the walker.  She'd been dead for about a week.

We went outside to get the gurney.  I told the new guy that this was going to be bad, not pretty at all.  He seemed willing so we went back in.  Two men stayed in the kitchen to watch despite my warning to them.  Lifting the blanket off we saw the woman who died with her head tilted back, her arms over the sides.  Her legs were extremely swollen.  Fluids started to leak when I attached the ID tags around the large ankles, so we went to the van to look for something that can contain all the fluid.  Luckily we found a body bag, so we wrapped the collapsed gurney with it and slid the gurney under the legs and thought about how to get the body on it.

We used a rolled up sheet to place around her back and under the arms so we can lift her off the walker.  When my partner pulled on her legs as I lifted the body, the skin of the legs finally ruptured and gushed fluid all over the kitchen.  I mean an absolute flood of opaque fluid, perhaps a gallon or more.  We backed off to avoid being splashed, wondering what to do next.  I asked for towels and sheets.  The men, who were clearly disturbed by what they just saw (they were grandchildren of this woman), brought out all the towels they can find.  They weren't enough to sop up the deluge.

We managed to get the body in the bag and tossed dripping towel after dripping towel into the bag along with the body.  The stench of this body was strong and the fluids made it worse.  Although not the foulest smell in my short career (greenies are, by far, the worst), it was still pretty fucking bad.

I should add that while we were struggling with the body, the family was loudly arguing and bickering in the living room.  It was total chaos for a while.  We loaded the body into the van, said parting words and got the hell out of there, both of us shocked by what we just went through.

Poor new guy.  To his credit, he handled it well, and I assured him it doesn't get much worse than that.  He said that at one point he thought he was going to vomit.  I know that feeling very well.  We came back to the mortuary, shelved the body, then doused the equipment with Cavicide (an anti-viral disinfectant).  He said he was hungry before this call but not anymore, and that he needed to go home and take another shower.

I came home and promptly fell asleep.  I was absolutely spent.  Six hours later at 4 am the phone rang with a one-man call.  It was a simple hospital ICU pick up so I did that one by myself.

Yesterday I went to ME to pick up two teenage siblings in another high profile case.  The number of such cases involving parents and their children this year is very disturbing.  I wish I could elaborate more but I don't think I should.

I declined any on-call work last night and that was the right decision.  I came home after work and immediately went to bed at 5 pm.  Woke up at midnight to finish up watching company videos on correct procedures in dealing with families, as required for new employees.  Videos are lame but at least I'm getting paid for it.

It's been a very long week.

Death in the Desert

1:30am
Drove out to butt-fuck boonies far away to pick up a case yesterday.  On the first day of summer, it was 113 degrees in that county.  Bodies decompose fast in this kind of weather, but luckily this body I got was only mildly turning green.  It was a long drive back but there are some great scenery out there.  California truly has all types of terrain.

Before that our new driver and I went to the children's hospital to pick up an infant.  The baby was well over 10 lbs. and had it's organs and brain in separate zip-lock bags.  The brain had been chopped up for sampling.  It's amazing how big the human brain is, especially in a baby.  The embalmer worked on the little one right away and now it is lying on a table.

Just about an hour ago I went to go pick up an old man in a nursing home.  The entire extended family was there, at midnight, waiting for me to arrive.  The man served in three wars, his son told me:  WWII, Korea and Vietnam.  To me that is impressive.  The cooler is now completely full so all I could do was put the body on the table and shove it in the cooler.  In a way I hope no more calls come in early this morning so I don't have to rearrange bodies.

Around 5 am today I will drive out of town two hours to pick up a body.  It will be interesting seeing that the hospital will be close to where I grew up.  I think I will put my radar detector to use for this one.

Ooh That Smell

Right after my run early Wednesday morning the phone rang, there was a residential pick up to go to.  I met up with the Assistant at the house and found out he already talked to the family and all I had to do was help load the body on the gurney.  I didn't speak a word and barely made eye contact with the family.

Right after that there was another on-call.  A woman died at a fancy senior complex rather far away, so I went on that one solo.  It turned out to be a place I have been to before;  I dropped off an old lady there when I drove for a nursing home.  Very nice place and nurses were nice.

Her body was still warm and she was dressed in her nightgown.  As I prepared the gurney, the nurse told me that in the year that she worked there no one visited this old lady until this morning, when her family visited, and then she passed away.  I wondered the circumstances of her family and what went through the woman's mind when she decided there was no longer any reason to hang on.

I have imagined what dying is like.  Although I don't really know for sure, I imagine that at an old age I'd sort of let go and fall asleep realizing it's my turn to go.  I'd be sad for my kids and their kids, but relieved that I'd no longer be a burden to them.  When I can no longer support myself like dressing and eating, or even talking, I imagine that I'd be quite depressed, assuming my mind still worked.  Resting In Peace would really seem comforting...

Anyway I drove back and shelved the body and went about the workday.  There were three adult bodies from a sister mortuary up north and a fetus to be picked up from a local hospital, so I took the double-decker van.

Two of the three adults were severely decomposed.  As usual, I had to open the bags and check their ID tags.  Each smelled awful but in different ways.  Their skin colors were different as well;  one was dark green and the other dark purple.  Neither were frozen so they reeked, times two.  Driving back 45 minutes I had the windows rolled down and the a/c blasting.  I wasn't too grossed out though, as I still sipped my coffee and chewed bubble gum.  I got a little frustrated when I took a wrong turn and had to take a long detour.

I arrived at the local hospital for the baby.  It was warm by this point and I knew I'd have to hold my breath when I came back to the van.  I waited for a long time in the lobby until a nurse came to escort me upstairs.  Same thing as last time, the little body was wrapped up inside the refrigerator.  I checked and tagged the body and placed it in a plastic company bag, then walked out to the van.

I held my breath as long as I could as I rolled down the windows but I still got a few lungfuls of foul odor as I drove out of the complex.  When I came back to the mortuary I learned that they would be cremated the next day so we left them out at room temperature with other cases.

Next morning I could smell those two bodies across the parking lot as they were being carted away.  The entire building stunk to high hell and people were spraying Febreeze and Lysol all over the place.

Wacky Wednesday

It's 4:00 am.  Picked up a few last night and a big leaky body this morning at two.  Going to an empty mortuary at night alone still gives me chills down my back but I'm finding that I manage somehow.

Some nursing homes are filled with lazy bitches who don't want to help move a large body and the one this morning was like that.  Nursing is hard work and a noble profession, but there are some nurses who need to make a change in their careers.  I just don't understand how people stay in jobs they are clearly unhappy in.

The security guard lady said she used to do what I do and how she had fun doing it.  I asked why she had a gun and she replied that it's because she responds to alarms.

I'm trying to adjust to irregular sleeping couple nights a week to make more money.  So far the effort has been worth it financially.

On Monday I picked up a young girl in her twenties who got hit by a car while standing at the bus stop.  Why don't they install one or two of those poles like those in parking lots to protect waiting riders at bus stops?  I always think how vulnerable people are when I drive by bus stops.  In the case of this girl, it was an elderly driver who lost control of her vehicle, and just like that...gone.  Life is not fair.

Last week a young motorcyclist came in.  His belongings were in the bag with the body, and his helmet top was crushed in.  You can imagine how he died.  Hopefully it was quick and painless.

One of the embalmers I work with is a pretty gal with a bubbly personality.  I didn't expect good looking women to be in this field, yet she works on the tough cases, bodies all cut open, organs taken out, etc.  She was working on another young girl with a hollow torso yesterday (ME case).  I asked for her opinion on how she died, and she said based on the skin on her face she seemed like a drug addict who overdosed.

Coffee is kicking in nicely.  I think I'll go for a run this morning before going to work.

'Round Midnight

It's Tuesday night, doing the on-call again.  Already picked up two bodies right after work today and despite getting little sleep last night I feel I can pick up a couple more tonight.  I'm totally into watching episodes of History Channel's "Ancient Aliens" while I wait for the phone call.  Knowing myself, once I fall asleep a fire truck siren may not wake me, so I'm making the best use of my time.  I should practice some keyboard.

The Assistant and I picked up four elderly bodies from midnight to 2 am last night, easy money.  He also likes to drive fast and we made a trek up north about 25 miles in no time.  Two vans hauling ass, we must've looked like some government or criminal vehicles to those we blew by.  I'm considering using my radar detector in the future.

Yesterday everyone wanted some breakfast so we all pitched in for some Mexican food down the street.  I got rolled tacos and a quesadilla.  This place has a very tasty salsa.  It doesn't seem so odd to me now when we all talk about what to eat with all the bodies around.  Today the Supervisor bought breakfast for all of us from the same place.  I had a mediocre California burrito but I'm grateful for the free meal.

An entire small family came in this week after being murdered.  It's a high profile case so I won't go into too much detail, but young children are among the victims.  The suspect is apparently dead also.  If there's a Hell I hope the son of a bitch gets what he deserves by Satan himself.

Again, I really like these people I work with.  They each have their own quirks, and some are downright weird at times, but over all I like working with them.  They are genuine and and I like that.

I don't really look at dead faces anymore.  Not because I don't care, but because I'm not as curious as I used to be.  I look for the ID tag and anything unusual but that's about it.

The embalmer worked on a newborn baby today, making small incisions to look for the artery in its arm.  In the afternoon I picked up a solid 240 lbs. male from ME and rearranged bodies in the cooler.  It's very full in there right now.  They tell me in the winter bodies really pile up.

12:50 am:
I just picked up and shelved a four-month old baby from a nearby hospice.  I've been there many times to pick up elderly bodies, I didn't know they care for the young as well.  This baby had a heart defect and struggled his entire brief life.  No family was present when I arrived.

I was apprehensive about going into the mortuary and the prep room by myself at night (I still have issues with this) but I figured if there is a ghost it would have mercy on me carrying a baby in.  I'm thinking of calling it a night and getting some sleep now.

2:50 am:
Just as I finished the above, another call came in for the same place.  Yep, the same place.  I debated whether I really wanted to go but instead of wondering I decided to just go.  An old man in his nineties passed.

As the security and I walked down the long basement corridors, he started to tell me how that place is haunted, that he sees stuff all the time.  Like shadows, smells, even women in all white.  He even told me he once saw red eyes looking at him from the trees outside at night.  He said he sees things whenever he goes to a local haunted attraction that tourists go to.  We stood outside in near darkness talking about this and shows like "Ghost Adventures" that I also like to watch:

I arrived at the mortuary, just kept my focus on the task at hand, shelved the body, then left.  Nothing unusual to report.  I think I'm really done for the night.

Only The Good Die Young

Doing the on-call thing tonight, we already picked up five bodies earlier.  This time I drove while the Asst. answered calls and did paperwork and it worked out perfectly.  I demonstrated for him my smooth, nursing home driving style.  We went to go pick up a body at a house only to find out that the hospice nurse called our company by mistake.  So no body, but we still get paid for driving out there.

While on the road tonight, I told the assistant about my latest TV obsession:  "Ghost Adventures".  He told me that in over 500 times he's been at the mortuary alone at night, he's yet to see a single ghost or anything out of the ordinary.  Although he doesn't believe in such things, he told me about his late father who died ten years ago and how he would smell his father at random places months after his passing.  I said maybe your dad misses you so he visits you on occasion and wants you to think of him without frightening you, and he conceded that may be possible.

This morning another driver and I did a house call in an affluent seniors' condo.  Her adult children seemed rather happy about it all, and the driver said to me they must have a nice inheritance coming their way.  After seeing the place and learning that the woman had pre-arranged for the inevitable, I thought to myself that he may be right.

Our mortuary has a double-decker van that can carry up to four bodies at a time and I used it today to pick up three bodies from ME.  The top "shelf" goes up and down via electric motor and is useful on busy days.  This is the van we drove tonight and is sitting on my street as I type this.

One of the bodies from ME was a suicide case.  There was a jagged hole on the top of his head three inches wide.  I've never seen a gaping gunshot wound like that before.

I learned earlier today that a wonderful lady who worked in decedent affairs at the military hospital passed away this morning.  I've only met her twice but she made a strong impression on me each time with her enthusiasm, sincerity and dignity.  She just didn't seem to get caught up in petty stuff like the rest of us.  She seemed very motherly, far wiser than her age (she was just a year older than me).

Just two weeks ago I was there to pick up a death certificate of a soldier and she told me I should apply for a job in her office and gave me her business card.  She said not many people apply and that civilian jobs pay well and benefits are good.  I was flattered that she wanted me to apply, but I still haven't yet.  I'm sad over this and every other driver who knew her feels the same way.  Rest in peace, C.