Die Hard

Couple of weeks ago the Asst. and I picked up a body at a hospital early in the morning.  Upon opening the body bag we discovered that the man had a full erection.  The hospital transport and the Asst. busted out laughing, pointing out the tent pitcher to me.  Having never seen that before, I commented, "Well it is morning..." to which the guys laughed even harder.  The embalmers in our prep room, who are mostly women, got a chuckle out of the poor bonered bastard as well, and said that most likely he has a inflatable pump inside his member.  When I die I hope I don't die like this...

The Asst. broke his ankle playing beach volleyball over Labor Day weekend.  Unable to walk without crutches, I took over his usual on-call duties last week.  Money!

One of the newer drivers and I went on a house call.  The removal was normal, nothing unusual.  But the new guy's attitude over the past few weeks has declined, and I watched him as we worked.  Once we got back to the mortuary I shelved the body, hoping he would offer more help than just standing there.  Not to be.  So for the rest of the week I only called him when absolutely necessary.

This job is easy once you get over the fact that you're working with dead bodies.  In our prep room, no one is expected to work like a slave and everyone is helpful.  But some drivers think they're entitled to easy on-call money at night.  The Asst. and I both agree that it is a privilege to earn extra income and those who pout and do not work hard when called upon do not deserve the opportunity.

Anyway........

A Marine sargent died while riding his motorcycle.  His body was prepped and put in a casket, to be shipped out at the airport early morning this week.  Another sargent came to escort me and the casket.  We loaded the hearse and drove to the airport cargo area.  In full dress and gloves, the young female sargent asked about what I do, telling me that she is interested in this work once she gets out of the military in four years.  I gave her the rundown, basically a condensed version of this blog.  She was cute I must say.

After unloading the casket, I drove her to the passenger terminal.  Must've been quite a sight for other travelers, a hearse pulling up to the curb and out comes a military person.  She was to ride on the same plane as the deceased, escorting the body the entire trip across the country.  Driving back to the mortuary I gunned the V8 Cadillac hearse.  This heavy thing is fast and handles very well.  I'm tempted to do some donuts with the traction control off...

The Asst. and I did a few on-calls together this week, even though his ankle is not yet healed.  I commend his effort, limping and all, I guess he needs the money.  He has the athlete's mentality and is highly driven, but I told him that he cannot force his ankle to heal and that only rest will accelerate the process.  After a few removals, he texted me that his ankle was badly swollen, so that was it for him that night.